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Saturday, March 5, 2016

Team Tips - 21 {Ouch, that hurts - Part 1}


You've been to the doctor, right?

There's always the moment when the doctor or nurse has to give you a needle, or draw blood, or otherwise inflict some unmentionable procedure on, or in (ew), some unmentionable part of your humanity.

That's when you hear the phrase:
This won't hurt a bit.

Just like when a “best friend”, or business associate, or the boss at performance evaluation time thinks you really need to hear some feedback, some constructive criticism. 
After all doesn't everyone want to improve? See their mistakes and learn from them? Make themselves a better person?


This won't hurt a bit. This is for your own good!

It's a wonderful idea if you are the “helper”: being a good friend, advising someone with your pearls of wisdom. But it's not so much fun being the “helpee”. Particularly when it is “inflicted help”. (I think every instance of feedback should be automatically matched in strength and duration with a return message; not as defensiveness or revenge. Just to return the favour.)

Ah, Reeves, you just don't want to hear criticism. You just don't want to be a better person. I'm, like, trying to help you here!
Hmmmm: right; wrong; wrong.

Right: I don't want to hear criticism. I may not respect the source; I may not like the intent; and I've already got my own imaginary critic whispering in my ear.
Wrong: I do want to be a better person. Returning as a dung beetle isn't at the top of my list (see previous post).
Wrong: You really aren't helping. If you really intended to help you would ask me how I would like to receive the “feedback” you have for me.

What I would like you to do, when I ask, for the topic of concern:

  1. Tell me how I'm doing numerically, roughly, on a scale of 1 to 10. 
  2. Tell me what you like and think I should keep doing 
  3. Tell me what I should do differently, or add, to make the score a perfect 10, from your point of view. 
Now:
  • I have a quick idea of how I'm doing: 10 out of 10 means I'm good for now; 1 out of 10 means you have lots of improvement ideas for me. 
  • And I know what things you think I should continue doing. 
  • And, best of all, I know what you think I should do more of, or do better, or add to my game. 
  • The final component is that I can decide to use, or not, any of your suggestions. Nothing inflicted. 
In fact, this can be seen as a game. We could even call it, say, the Perfection Game. Crazy! 

It could be part of the Core Protocols. 


Oooops; Jim & Michele McCarthy already thought of that.

10 /10 from me.


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